Can a relationship work without communication? Is it possible to spend your life with someone when you can’t even talk about things that matter to you, and vise versa.
I’m not just talking about the little things on whether the dogs have been fed, what time your partner will be home for work, who’s cooking dinner tonight or what clothes are dirty and need to be washed. I’m talking about everything that matters to you and you find enjoyable to talk about.
Take me for example, I enjoy talking about politics, documentaries, history, famine, abortion and vaccination ethics, cultures, general learning and new human discoveries. I like learning people’s opinions, their cultures, backgrounds to country’s and people.
Now take my partner for example, he likes talking about gaming (PC, Role Play and Cards), snowboarding, Disney movies and fairy tales, snowboarding, sports and maybe some more snowboarding. See the difference?
Reality is, I can never manage to talk to him about the medical benefits of marijuana for brain cancers, brain tumours and leukaemia. I can’t mutter a word of whats going on with the Bali 9 and the pending executions, the journalists of Al-Jazeera currently held prisoners in Egypt, philosophy or anything else going on in the world that touches me and makes me think about how lucky I am to live in a fairy tale. Even if it is positive like having two of the Al-Jazeera journalists set free or a new awesome book I’m reading, I can’t seem to find a single care for talking to my other half about what I’m interested in.
And to be honest, I couldn’t speak more truth than now saying that I easily zone out when he starts talking about things I don’t care about, but he enjoys. Things such as ‘this girl on Twitch.Tv playing this person in Dungeons and Dragons is so bad and almost killed everyone’, or a new awesome card from Magic: The Gathering would go great in his Jeskai deck.
Whenever we get on the topic of communication it always ends in the sweet sound of nothingness because we both ignore each other and walk away.
Can relationships really work and function if there is no communication or connection to your other half on the things you’re dying to share with someone. I’m thinking, the pure excitement of finding out something which tickles in all the good spots such as a dog who shakes his leg to let the patter know that they are in the perfect spot. Things like a quote from a philosopher which completely revolutionises the way you think about something and how it changed your train of thought, or a new champion in League of Legends who is a perfect match to the main role your play and your play style. Wagging your tail so hard that your hold bum starts shaking.
And the exact same when a cat spikes its fur up or a dog hides his tail in between his legs, so frightened that his tail is perfectly pressed again his belly. The shock horror feeling of knowing Aussie Socceroo’s Robbie Kruse obtained a serious injury and is now out of the game for 12 months, the raw shock that you need to share with someone to help comprehend it or learning about more civilian and child casualties in the Syrian War. Just that feeling of shock, sadness and slight fear for your favourite team or young children, that you just need to growl or bark to let them know your reaction.
Instead, you seem to growl followed by a snap at your partner because they didn’t seem to take in how you’re feeling on the matter. Not even that slight acknowledgement, usually followed by the one worded careless response of ‘So?’
The good. The bad. The ugly. And the worse.
I feel that communication on hobbies, interests and our passions that we want to verbally share with our significant other is an act of love. Wanting to let that person in to share our minds train of thought.
But in saying that, I still can’t seem to find the patience, acceptance and appreciation that my partner has taken their time to invite me into their minds world. And my partner can’t seem to do the same.
I can’t express how hurt I am always feeling after hearing him shut me down for being a ‘negative focused person’. For telling me I’m a miserable depressive person for wanting to know what’s going on in the world. For telling me I’m a conflict addict because I like debating with people about the socialisation in children in different cultures, and I like hearing people’s opinions in politics whether I agree, disagree or change my mind to share opinions with them. But I know I probably hurt him when I tell him he should stop living in a fairy tale because bad things do happen in the world, the world isn’t a Disney movie where everyone gets a happily ever after. Even in Disney movies, there is always a dark side. He probably hurts each and every time I tell him he is wasting his time and not doing something constructive when he is sitting on the computer watching stream. And he probably feels the same when I surf the net for latest information on current affairs and new events.
He calls me negative and I call him lazy, and I feel that this is all because of our lack of communication. I think we want to share who we are with each other, but we love each other and not each other’s mental interests. I feel in love with him for his smile, his laugh, his ability to make me happy when I’m sad, and his perfect hugging ability for his short height. Not for his passion for watching TheOddOne stream, or Node on YouTube. I knew it came as part of the package, as did he know my strong personality trait of always sharing my opinion whether it’s wanted or not. But I never through that after nearly 4-5 years, communication on the bigs things would be so difficult when we have communication on the small things down-packed.
We are young in age and in relationship, and we are still growing. I just hope we can grow together in other areas of our lives, and not grow apart. Grow together in communication, on the ‘don’t sweat it‘ kinda issues and on the ‘holy shit!‘ moments also.
BrittnyLee 