Can a relationship work without communication? Is it possible to spend your life with someone when you can’t even talk about things that matter to you, and vise versa.
I’m not just talking about the little things on whether the dogs have been fed, what time your partner will be home for work, who’s cooking dinner tonight or what clothes are dirty and need to be washed. I’m talking about everything that matters to you and you find enjoyable to talk about.
Take me for example, I enjoy talking about politics, documentaries, history, famine, abortion and vaccination ethics, cultures, general learning and new human discoveries. I like learning people’s opinions, their cultures, backgrounds to country’s and people.
Now take my partner for example, he likes talking about gaming (PC, Role Play and Cards), snowboarding, Disney movies and fairy tales, snowboarding, sports and maybe some more snowboarding. See the difference?
Reality is, I can never manage to talk to him about the medical benefits of marijuana for brain cancers, brain tumours and leukaemia. I can’t mutter a word of whats going on with the Bali 9 and the pending executions, the journalists of Al-Jazeera currently held prisoners in Egypt, philosophy or anything else going on in the world that touches me and makes me think about how lucky I am to live in a fairy tale. Even if it is positive like having two of the Al-Jazeera journalists set free or a new awesome book I’m reading, I can’t seem to find a single care for talking to my other half about what I’m interested in.
And to be honest, I couldn’t speak more truth than now saying that I easily zone out when he starts talking about things I don’t care about, but he enjoys. Things such as ‘this girl on Twitch.Tv playing this person in Dungeons and Dragons is so bad and almost killed everyone’, or a new awesome card from Magic: The Gathering would go great in his Jeskai deck.
Whenever we get on the topic of communication it always ends in the sweet sound of nothingness because we both ignore each other and walk away.
Can relationships really work and function if there is no communication or connection to your other half on the things you’re dying to share with someone. I’m thinking, the pure excitement of finding out something which tickles in all the good spots such as a dog who shakes his leg to let the patter know that they are in the perfect spot. Things like a quote from a philosopher which completely revolutionises the way you think about something and how it changed your train of thought, or a new champion in League of Legends who is a perfect match to the main role your play and your play style. Wagging your tail so hard that your hold bum starts shaking.
And the exact same when a cat spikes its fur up or a dog hides his tail in between his legs, so frightened that his tail is perfectly pressed again his belly. The shock horror feeling of knowing Aussie Socceroo’s Robbie Kruse obtained a serious injury and is now out of the game for 12 months, the raw shock that you need to share with someone to help comprehend it or learning about more civilian and child casualties in the Syrian War. Just that feeling of shock, sadness and slight fear for your favourite team or young children, that you just need to growl or bark to let them know your reaction.
Instead, you seem to growl followed by a snap at your partner because they didn’t seem to take in how you’re feeling on the matter. Not even that slight acknowledgement, usually followed by the one worded careless response of ‘So?’
The good. The bad. The ugly. And the worse.
I feel that communication on hobbies, interests and our passions that we want to verbally share with our significant other is an act of love. Wanting to let that person in to share our minds train of thought.
But in saying that, I still can’t seem to find the patience, acceptance and appreciation that my partner has taken their time to invite me into their minds world. And my partner can’t seem to do the same.
I can’t express how hurt I am always feeling after hearing him shut me down for being a ‘negative focused person’. For telling me I’m a miserable depressive person for wanting to know what’s going on in the world. For telling me I’m a conflict addict because I like debating with people about the socialisation in children in different cultures, and I like hearing people’s opinions in politics whether I agree, disagree or change my mind to share opinions with them. But I know I probably hurt him when I tell him he should stop living in a fairy tale because bad things do happen in the world, the world isn’t a Disney movie where everyone gets a happily ever after. Even in Disney movies, there is always a dark side. He probably hurts each and every time I tell him he is wasting his time and not doing something constructive when he is sitting on the computer watching stream. And he probably feels the same when I surf the net for latest information on current affairs and new events.
He calls me negative and I call him lazy, and I feel that this is all because of our lack of communication. I think we want to share who we are with each other, but we love each other and not each other’s mental interests. I feel in love with him for his smile, his laugh, his ability to make me happy when I’m sad, and his perfect hugging ability for his short height. Not for his passion for watching TheOddOne stream, or Node on YouTube. I knew it came as part of the package, as did he know my strong personality trait of always sharing my opinion whether it’s wanted or not. But I never through that after nearly 4-5 years, communication on the bigs things would be so difficult when we have communication on the small things down-packed.
We are young in age and in relationship, and we are still growing. I just hope we can grow together in other areas of our lives, and not grow apart. Grow together in communication, on the ‘don’t sweat it‘ kinda issues and on the ‘holy shit!‘ moments also.
BrittnyLee 
if you can’t communicate on any level high, low or anything in between, you have a gap and that gap can only cause problems.
A gap can cause problems, but it isn’t a gap. It’s a growing experience! How can one have courage if not given the opportunity to be courageous. How can one grow, if they don’t have the opportunity to grow.
It’s an opportunity to grow together, but that’s the hard part and the difficult journey 😁 I don’t like having to do difficult things, but sometimes the rewards are worth it!
One should only have to be courageous for moments that simple things could not solve, bravery should not have to be bolstered when brought in front of the simple building blocks of a relationship that you lack.
I think you misunderstood the fact that it was an example and not to be taken as literal.
For example, how can a barista know how to make coffees unless given the opportunity to learn and grow skills.
I don’t lack a relationship, we are best friends as well as partners. The issue at hand is that when we do want to talk about something that excites us, the other isn’t interested. He has his friends and I have mine, besides our life together, we also have our own life. The problem is that we do want to share with each other, but the other isn’t interested due to our personalities and interests, and at times that does effect our communication because we don’t talk because we know the other won’t listen and that upsets us both.
And while it isn’t easy, and it is difficult at times, it isn’t a problem to cause a wedge between to claim that I lack a relationship.
This is a great read and I sense you touch on a very common frustration. As a believer in the God of the Bible, I rest all foundational principles upon the Bible because for me it is God’s Word. Interestingly enough, it has much to say about relationships. The very 1st one, looking at our “federal head” Adam, he was given Eve by God Himself because the Creator said after He made the creation that it is not good for man to be alone. God has made us to fit together, man and women, and it is a good fit. Then there comes God’s Son, thousands of years later who says that a man must love his wife like Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her. What a humanly difficult challenge put forward…to endure hardship, scorn, an unjust death on a cross because of love for the one you chose?! God chose to save sinners not the self-righteous through the means of the cross. I truly believe Theology matters in every aspect of life. There is a love that transcends to desire other people’s interests above our own, it was first demonstrated by God Himself at the cross. As a matter of foundational principle, I hope to serve my wife in the same manner, with a purifying love, a love that covers a multitude of sins, a love that leans on the merits of Christ and Him alone all my days. In doing so I am in line with the scriptures and at peace with God, my wife will feel loved and I will earn her respect. I will be more prone to care for what she cares for and truly hear her when she speaks, even if it must cost me time from my books, games, writing, misc. hobbies, etc.